Been a LOOOOOONG time....

Oh my goodness, I don't know where to start except to say it has been too long. So, quick recap? ok, here it is:

*Had baby girl on May 28 last year, 2 weeks early due to high blood pressure. named her Julia Rayne; moved the same weekend that I delivered (no stress right?!)

*Endured what I thought was a mental breakdown at work and was then reprimanded for it

*Was diagnosed 2 weeks later with PPD

*Quit my job at the end of October and became a SAHM

*Started keeping another little girl in my home to bring in some extra $$; now keep another little boy twice a week too - both are the same age as Justin

So that's it, you know....those are the bulletin points in the last year or so. So my day-to-day is filled with listening to Justin and Emma to bicker and fuss like an old married couple and tending to Julia. I am breastfeeding Julia and we are still going strong with that. Not much, but it's my life. ♥

Grumpy!

Last night no one in the house slept very well apparently. Hubby came to bed and it was about 12 when he went to sleep. By 2 I woke up because I could tell he was uncomfortable or in pain or something. I finally asked him if he was ok and he said he thought he had indigestion. He finally gets up about 2:30 and takes some Pepto. He comes back to bed for a little bit and I can tell he's sleeping a bit better. But then he starts getting restless again. I told him he may need to sleep in the recliner to help ease the pressure. So he gets up and goes in the living room. I kind of fall back asleep but the next thing I know, he's in the bathroom sick as a dog. So I get up and go use the other bathroom then just kind of wait up to see if he needs anything. It's about 4-4:30 before we start to get back to sleep.

Now off and on all night I've heard the boy whining in his sleep. So I figure he must not be sleeping very well either. At one point he starts crying really hard so I go to get him, but he is still actually asleep. I leave him be to see if he goes back to sleep and he does. But by about 5:30, he starts crying hard again. So I go get him and bring him to bed with me. We finally get to sleep and I wake up about 6:35 (which is late). So I get up and get a shower and just start getting ready.

Now the boy is awake of course and he is GRUMPY! He is just whiny and grumpy and tired. Everything is making him cry. Well I get dressed and ready and then head out to warm the truck up. When I come back in, the boy says to me, very whiny "Daddy's being grumpy!". I could not control my laughter. I guess hubby had made a noise b/c he was still trying to sleep and the boy was crying because I had gone outside. So the boy just says that Daddy's being grumpy. I was laughing so incredibly hard when he told me that!

great article!

Someone posted this on their babycenter journal and I just loved it. I wish I had it during my first pregnancy. There was only one doctor that had to make a point about my size and I wish I'd had this to show him.

Size-Friendliness: A Message To Providers

How To Treat a Pregnant Woman - Regardless of Her Body Size

By Dawn Mantas

Understand that I know, better than anyone else in the world, what my body size is and how it affects me, my health, and my baby. Listen to me. Respect my intuitions about my body and my baby. Praise me when I’ve gained a pound, five pounds---“Good, that baby’s growing!"

Touch me gently, with respect and consideration. Talk to me as an equal. Respect my intelligence. See my body as human, not ugly or abhorrent. Pay attention to me. Watch my belly grow and comment on it when you measure, tell me how beautifully I’m growing a healthy baby.

If my baby’s heartbeat is hard to find, blame it on the machine or that active little one, not on my belly. Don’t blame me. Don’t shame me. Don’t patronize me or sneer when I step on a scale. Know that your eyes and your face say as much as your mouth.

Be aware of your own biases and prejudices. Acknowledge your humanness as well as my own. Give me personal attention. Educate me, and let me educate you. Be open to new ideas, even if they seem foreign to you. Don’t handle me or speak to me roughly. Anger isn’t going to help you or me.

Understand that I am unique. I am not like “every other fat woman” you’ve ever treated. Please don’t treat me as a national average. If my body size makes you assume things about me and how my body is going to react to pregnancy, try to remember that I am not a statistic. Do not make pregnancy complications a self-fulfilling prophecy. Give me a chance to grow a healthy baby. Know that I love my body and I love this life growing inside of me as much as any other mother you have ever seen.

Do not stand apart and judge me. Instead, enter into a relationship with me. I am not foreign, I am not “other,” I am human, I am just like you. Do not treat me like a child and talk down to me.

There are some things you CAN assume: Assume that I already know or have heard at some point that I would lose weight if I would “just decrease my caloric intake and increase my exercise.” Assume that I have had 'the talk' about my “weight issues.” Assume, too, that someone at some point has suggested that I seek counseling or therapy for my “emotional eating.”

I am not entering into this relationship with you in order to solve the problem of my body size. I am entering into this relationship because I love my baby and want him or her to be born healthy and whole. I am who I am, right now, this minute, and the next nine months aren’t going to create a magical overnight change in my body size or my psyche when it comes to my weight. Don’t pressure me to be something or someone I am not.

Try to see me as human, and as beautiful, as everything human can be. Share the joys with me, the heartbeat, the movements. Sympathize with the discomforts, the heavy belly, the aching ligaments, the morning sickness---without judgments, please. My aches and pains, my joys and sorrows, are the same AND different than any other woman in the world, regardless of her body size. Give me your support. Give me your hand. Look into my eyes. Smile. We are in this together, and we want the same exact things.

frustrated

I am just so frustrated. I would love to know why my 'feelings' are always wrong!! I would never tell someone that what they are feeling is wrong. What you feel is what you feel. I am so tired of every time I am hurt and upset, I try to talk it out and all the other person can tell me is how wrong I am. Now this is just with 2 people in particular, and amazing, it's the 2 of the people I am closest with. One being my husband. He is not the one I am frustrated with right now, but the same thing happens with him. Most of the time with him, the situation is always about his mother. And when I try to talk to him, he just takes up for her. So it's pointless now to even talk it out with him.

The other person is a co-worker. And I swear every time I have an issue and we talk, all I ever get out of it is that I'm wrong and I should not feel that way. Well guess what, I do feel that way!! And she never totally understands. I think I have a communication problem I guess because I can never seem to get across to anyone exactly how I am feeling. They just never fully understand and it seems like I always have to apologize for feeling the way I do. Is that right? Something is bothering me, upsetting me, hurting me - and I am the one that has to apologize. It just really pisses me off and then it just makes me feel worse than I already do.

catch up / random ramblings

January has been a busy busy month for me so far. But let me go back to Christmas. Christmas went okay. Hubby was still sick and ended up staying home all day Christmas day. Justin had a blast with all his toys. He got lots of hot wheels cars, a tool bench with tools, a race track, and a music set (harmonica, egg shakers, kazoo, etc). And of course some other little things that I can't even remember now! I got a new digital camera and Travis got a new jacket and new shoes along with a couple of CD's.

So Christmas came and went, hubby was still sick and has been out of work for 3 weeks. He just started back working this week and it's not even been all week. So our purse strings are going to be very very tight for a while so we can catch up on everything.

The pregnancy is going well. I've started to feel the babe flutter and kick some finally. We had our ultrasound this week and found out we're having a little girl. I must say I was semi-shocked. I had a feeling that we'd be an all-boy family. I am very happy that we're having a little girl (not that I wouldn't have loved a boy any less, it's just more exciting that it's a girl because it was unexpected). So now begins the fun!! We'll have to stock up on clothes since I can't use Justin's old clothes. As far as equipment, the only thing I really need/want is a swing. My MIL got us a crappy old swing for Justin that is blue. But I want to buy a new girly swing for this babe. The only other major thing I want to get is a new bedding set for the crib. I definitely want it to be girly, but I'm trying to stay away from 'pink' overload!! I found a cute one that is purple (not lavender - purple) that I like and another one that does have pink in it but a lot of other colors as well.

Then there's the name. With the boy, we didn't go through the name selection process. When hubby and I started dating, he told me that he had this name picked out that he loved for a boy. He told me what it was and I loved it too. So, when we found out we were having a boy with my first pregnancy, we already knew what the name was. This time is much different. I've thought about names all week long and my hubby just keeps shooting down almost all of my suggestions! I have come up with some very pretty choices and he doesn't seem to like any of them. Now he hasn't had any contributions really. But I know he's still not fully recovered from being sick and is trying to focus on getting back to work. So, I'm kind of done with names for now. When hubby is feeling better and we can get a baby book and go through names together, we'll get it figured out. I know I have plenty of time anyway, so it's no rush. I just feel like I should be 'doing' something now that I know it's a girl!

Work has been extremely busy. We've got the books closed finally for December and the year 2008. We've finished our year-end files for corporate. Now I have to work on property taxes while a co-worker works on 1099's. Then we get to start on our tax files. yay!! :/ Meanwhile, our boss is pretty much unavailable this month due to our company's sales process. So I'm making sure I pull my fair share around and we'll get through this eventually!

Other than that, things are pretty much normal. Just working and trying to take care of the family.

sick sick sick

Hubby has had a terrible hacking cough for about a month now. I've told him several times to go to the dr but he wouldn't. finally I got him to go on Friday. Sure enough, he's got an upper respiratory infection. They prescribed him amoxicillin and a very strong cough syrup; although they didn't have the cough syrup when we got to the pharmacy. Sometime last weekend, I started a dry cough and a sore/scratchy throat. But I never felt bad - mainly just a cough. Justin's had a cough and a little runny nose for a while. So, my intentions were to get Justin and I to the dr yesterday now that Travis had gone.

But, Sunday, hubby had an episode. We had spent the night at my parent's house, but didn't get a lot of sleep that night. On the way home, I drove while Travis slept. We were about 30 mins from home when he woke up and was rubbing his neck. Then he took a swallow of his drink. Then he started coughing. He was coughing pretty hard and I thought I might need to pull over b/c he might get sick. Well then it sounded different. I looked over and his eyes were rolling back and his head and hand started jerking. I thought he was having a seizure!! I start crying and asking him if he's ok and he's not responding to me. The whole thing lasted like 10-15 secs. Next thing I know, he sits up and starts asking me what's wrong? He's freaking out thinking something was wrong with me or that we had got in an accident. He had no idea what had just happened. He thought he had fell back asleep!!! It took me about 5 mins to calm down enough to return to driving.

After that, I made him go back to the dr yesterday. The dr said he had had a vasovagal attack, which is just a simple faint. He coughed so much and had so much pressure on his chest that his blood pressure dropped and cut off blood supply to the brain. His brain literally shut down and restarted. She said that it does happen very quickly and it looks exactly like a seizure. She told him to pull over if he started coughing while he was driving in case it happens again. He now has bronchitis and she prescribed him an inhaler.

She also re-sent the cough syrup prescription to the pharmacy and told us it would be the most expensive medicine. So last night we went to the pharmacy to pick it up. I was baffled when she told me the total for my 6 items was $176. It turns out his cough syrup was $150!! I just paid it and we went on about our business. When we got home, we realized that we didn't even get the cough syrup!!!! They had made notes on the bag about the price and wanted to ask us if we wanted to pay that much for it. So, back I go to the pharmacy. When I got there, I asked if they had his insurance on file for him. They did not! So I was able to get his medicine, and get the difference in the cash price and the copay refunded - $116! She also saw that we paid full price for his amoxicillin on Friday night and refunded that money as well!

So now that hubby is all squared away (hopefully), I got to get Justin and I squared away. I took Justin to the dr yesterday afternoon and he does have an upper respiratory infection. My dr appt is 8:15 this morning and I bet I have the same thing. I just hope we can get most of this yucky stuff cleared up before Christmas!!

I help daddy...

So let me preface this story by saying that my child loves tomatoes. I don't know where he got it from, but he could eat an entire meal of nothing but tomatoes.

Tuesday night, hubby was making a sandwich with lettuce and tomato on it. The boy sees this and tells daddy that he also would like a sandwich. So, hubby puts a piece of ham on a piece of bread, folds it over, puts it on a plate, and gives it to him. The boy folds back the piece of bread, looks at me and says "Mommy, where's my tomatoes?" with the tone of "Oh my heavens there are no tomatoes on my sandwich!! the world is coming to an end!!". So hubby and I start rolling with laughter. It was just so funny the way he said it. So hubby takes the plate back to go put some tomatoes on it. As he walks back into the kitchen, my child looks up at me and says, "Mommy, I go help daddy." Now what my 2 year old child is implying that he has to go help his father make a sandwich because obviously he doesn't know what he is doing and my 2 year old is the only one who can help! lol!!! By this point, I think we were almost in tears we were laughing so hard.